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August 1, 2023..... mood: content

Loooong time no see! I've been drinking a lil bit since I have a day off, so i apologize for my muddled writing. I can't even begin to describe how much has been going on in the last few months, but a lot of it seems to be a blur to me anyways! I've been working at as a cashier at a garden center since april, which has been taking up a lot of my time; I was originally supposed to be only a seasonal cashier for spring, as the busiest time to plant is in may. However, I'm now being trained to perfom customer service tasks and am expected to stay the whole year!! I have actually found the work place environment to be amiable; all my coworkers are nice, the managers don't breath down my back, and most customers are civil (I mean, who buys flowers in a bad mood :p). On my days off, I walk around downtown and I have spending a lot more time on my front porch. Sounds boring, I know, but I figure I should enjoy the cheeriness of my garden and the fresh air insead of sitting on a couch all day :D. Also have been reading more, as the store gets less busy I am able to read between customers. It's very refreshing, as I haven't been reading as much since highschool. So far, I've finished "Northanger Abbey" by Jane Austen, "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, and "Circe" by Madeline Miller. Not very many books or short stories considering the length of the year, but I think I've rediscovered a fulfilling pastime opposed to sitting on my phone for hours on end! Other than that, I have been doin' the norm; drinking cheap iced coffee from timmies, drawing during my free time, and thrifting (even though my closet is already full.)

Thanks for reading! I know this information is very vague, but it's difficult to construct a detailed entry when such a long amount of time has surpassed. Maybe I'll write shortly, maybe I won't...........byeeeee!

Current Favs: south park, orange fizz geraniums, brie, cherry blossom body spray, liminal spaces, VH1 Of Love Reality TV "Rock of Love, Daisy of Love, Flavor of love..." (lol).

What day is it today? Oh right...Feb 7, 2023..... mood: strange

yoyoyo! A lot of time has passed since ive last updated, as usual lol. My last semester was great, ended up with good marks and I really enjoyed my time! Christmas break was cool, my little brother turned 18 and we went pubbing a bunch of times. Other than that, just watched the entirety of 'The Girls Next Door' and 'Futurama'. Also hung out with my family, had a nice Christmas and got a pyrography kit!! Not much else to say other than that, atleast nothing interesting. My current semester is also going well so far, in two drawing classes and enjoying them both; one is centered around ideas/concepts and the other is centered around media techniques. Personally, I enjoy the latter more, as the first feels kind of lackluster concerning how much new knowledge I'm aquiring. The projects seem pretty basic (like, highschool basic) considering I'm in my second year now. Typing this will probably bite me in the ass tho, the course probably get more difficult as the term progresses! Other than that, I'm also taking a media analysis and a world literature class, which are both going well. I'm meeting lots of nice people and I even got an artwork accepted in a student gallery!!! Not a huge deal but it's a step in the right direction.

Side note, also watching lots of free movies on "Tubi", which has alotta obscure, weird, totally freaky movies I've never even heard of before. My personal favs are in the comedy/horror genre, like 'Bong of the Living Dead' and 'Poultryguist'. Also FART the movie, a whole 1 and a half hours of fart puns. Total gold, maaaan.

current favs: dungeon synth, strawberry dessert wine, makin smoothies, spacehey (a myspace dupe)

November 27, 2022..... mood: whatever maaaan

wazzzzzzzzzuppp!! not much has been goin' on, but id figure updating would be a good so i dont have to info dump my diary with like, 6 months of worthless dribble. school is going surprisingly well, i only have 4 courses and the work load is soooo much less stressful than with 5. i mean, i can actually go a full day without doing homework, which feels super weird!! ive been taking long walks after some of my classes through this really nice neighboorhood with lotsa coffee shops. I always end up getting an iced coffee from tim hortons tho, its good and comparably cheap. then, i walk to a park bench in this huge field and just chill out with my earbuds in. super boring, i know, but its become sorta a ritual for me. been also meeting more people at my uni; last year i was a total hermit and had no interest in making friends. don't get me wrong, i'd always converse and casually chat, but i was always a bit apathetic towards forming friendships. its great opening up to people now, probably cuz i don't feel as stressed and preoccupied with my work.

besides that, i am more satisfied with the art ive been producing. i'm now able to put more time and effort into my pieces, so i feel 100 times more accomplished than i used to! overall, everything is fine. even though thinking about the future is tiresome, i'm way more positive than i used to be. hopefully this isn't just a fleeting response to my new found comfort, but a good mindset doesnt hurt either.

current favs: the simple life, the cosy white bedsheet i found in my closet, buffalo '66, liminal spaces, earl grey tea

September 9, 2022..... mood: tired

Hiii guys, long time no see!! I have a lot to update on but i'll try to keep it brief. My second semester of uni was pretty good; i took fibre, art history, drawing, english, and sculpture. Even though the studio courses were out of my comfort zone (except for drawing), i learned a lot of great techniques and skills to apply to my future pieces. My scultpure class was surprisingly beneficial to my understanding of formulating concepts, as it helped my consider my material use and the application of the visionary aspects of my art, as opposed to the purely observable characteristics. I say this because my scultpure class wasn't as concerned with traditional methods of building 3D forms (as it incorporated more contemporary, found object means), but considered the explantions behind the figures I created. I probably won't take sculpture again, as it isn't something I will pursue in the future, but I found it highly constuctive to my learning process. Additionally, the fibre class I took was completely new to me and I highly enjoyed it. I made A LOT of mistakes, such as improperly hemming an apron project and creating an embroidery that didn't live up to my standards (my class also seemed to also dislike it during my critique :( ). However, learning about embroidery, fabric dying, and silkscreening was a huge part in furthering my skills. Drawing, english, and art history went okay as well. But those are things I'm already familiar with, so I won't ramble about those classes. Overall, my second semester went well. I got a 3.6 GPA and almost got straight A's, except for a B- in art history. My professor was tough and it was online.

Summer was AMAZING!!! I got a full 4 months and enjoyed nearly every second of it. I had two months to find a job, as my family and I were going on a 1 month trip across Canada. Because of this, I wasn't able to have a job during the entirety of the break. I still tried, thinking I could land a temporary position. Unfortunately, I was unable to find anything; I tried applying for 40 places online but nobody responded, and I tried handing my resume in person and it wasn't accepted. Finding a job is super difficult and it's makin me craaazy!! When I applied online, employers don't respond (as there is an influx of other people applying), and since they wont accept in person, so that leaves me barely any options to expose myself to possible employers. It's a sick cycle and I'm tired of it. In light of this, I've signed up for a 'brand ambassador' website, so I can hopefully cater on weekends when I'm not busy with school.

Besides my job dilemma, I stayed productive and made the best of the time I had. I made a lot of art, went on long walks around my neighborhood, and helped my parents around the house. I also watched the full 'Trailer park boys' series and listened to alotta the 'Butthole Surfers' aswell. It was very relaxing and I tried to enjoy every second of it, as this will be the last summer that is truly reminiscent of my childhood. Just hanging around, having calm fun, being close with my loved ones. Despite making the best of these months, I felt a deep sense of melancholy, as it's truly sunk in how my wonderful youth is slipping away.

The roadtip I went on was absolutely fantastic. My family and I drove to Ontatio, Quebec, Nova Scotia, and PEI, which was a really long time to be in the car but I didn't mind. We also camped for a majority of the trip, as hotels were ridiculously expensive (like, $300 bucks for a comfort inn, yikes). A whole month is a lot to explain, but thankfully I wrote every day in a journal for my own personal use, so I won't have to document every single detail on here (lucky you). Driving thought Ontario was vast and forested, and was excrusiatingly long but amazingly beautiful as well. On our first night, me and my brother explored a small forest close to our campsite, which lead to some old train tracks. We looked at the sunset together and I regret not appreciating it more in the moment. Toronto and Ottowa were great to see, very metropolitan and had a lot of great architecture. Personally, my favorite structures resided in Quebec City, or more specifically, the historical district. The 17th century buildings and cobblestone paths reminded me of Europe; it breathed art and French-Canadian culture, as well as incorporated many hidden gems (such as the Museum of Bad Art). Nova Scotia had incredible natural beauty, as were were constantly surrounded by lush fertile hills, rugged beaches, and abundant greenery. We stayed over at my mom's friend's house, which was not only a nice break from sleeping in a sleeping bag, but also a lovely visit. My favorite of all the provinces was PEI, as I was able to visit Green Gables and the historical sites of Canadian author L.M Montgomery. I've been a fan of Anne of Green Gables since I was a child (I even dressed up as Anne for halloween in elemetary school lol), and I'm very glad I got to experience the historical sites of my favorite nostalgic book series from my early childhood. Additionally, PEI was the most breath-taking, spectacular place to explore and travel. Immeasurable skies, abundant growth and a plethora of wildflowers, rolling hills, pristine red beaches, everything was picturesque. My brother and I even explored a large wheat field by our campground, and despite my desciption not doing it much justice, even something as simple as a boring old field was incredibly peaceful. Lastly, we went to Winnipeg and visited family. It was chill, as always. My cousin and I hung out, ate icecream, and we watched 'dancing with wolves' for the first time. The movie was good but hella long. I was glad to have experienced this. My family got on my nerves sometimes (as expected being cramped in a small car for a month), but I wouldnt have traded this roadtrip for the world. I fuckin love my family. Good time!!

Before summer ended. I went to my first club! It was an 80's goth night and I went with my friend/her cousin. We drank, laughed, and we danced all till the bar closed. Not much to say, as it was a typical club experience, but I thought I'd mention it for future sake. Anyways, I've now finished my first half week of my 2nd year at uni. It all went well and I'm excited for new beginnings. I've nearly had a bottle of wine as celebration, so I apologize if my writing isn't eloquent. But I figured I'd update now cuz i'll be super busy again. Sorry this was suuuuuper long but idc. goodbye, ttyl!!

Current Favs: xavier renegade angel, king of the hill, medieval art, 'song of achilles' by madeline miller, 'the vegetatrian' by han kang, boards of canada, trailer park boys

December 29, 2021..... mood: tired

hello internet people!! its been sooo long since ive updated cuz ive been really busy with my first term at uni! i feel bad for abandoning this blog cuz i feel like ive missed on documenting my life over the past six months, so i'll try not to bore you with tedious details. Firstly, July and August were really fun; generally I get seasonal depression in summer, but this year I had a relaxing, carefree time. There was a really hot period in July, so I spent it going on 40 minute walks every day, chugging diet coke, and hanging outside at night when it was cooler. I spent lots of time in a forest near my neighborhood when the weather wasn't blazing, and lots of afternoons sweating my balls off on my basement floor when it was unbearably humid. August was great too, went to my aunt's cabin near winnipeg for a lil over a week. I went to the beach, walked around in nature and the nearby small town, and star gazed near the water. I ate icecream for breakfast and read 'Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon', which was a really cute story my aunt gave me. Vising my cousin and other family members was also enjoyable, since I only see them annually! i dont think my writing does my summer any justice but whatever, it was gr8.

My first semster at uni was okay... tbh I didnt enjoy the first half of the semester, since it was a huge adjustment from being a covid induced hermit to a full-time student! I made the mistake of signing up for 6 courses (instead of the average 5 courses) because I had no clue that would be too much and no one informed me when i signed up lolol (my mistake). the first two weeks were online, so I didn't realize the actual workload until in person started again. luckily i was able to drop my ceramics class, which relieved lots of anxiety. from that point, I was taking painting, drawing, prinmaking, english and art history, which all went well. I almost got straight A's, except for a B in art history (essays are not my forte). even though im satisfied with my grades, the sheer amount of pressure and stress I felt was a detriment to my mental health tbh. I mean, whoever thinks art school is easy and big blowoff has worms for brains, its a lot of hard work. i honestly hate most of the work ive been producing and am insecure about my future, since my art feels lackluster and painfully mediocre. despite this, im excited for my next term and the opportunities that await!!

christmas break was very much needed, since it gives me a breather from my work load. ive still been making lots of art and have tried not to let my month off go to waste. however, ive been sleeping in till 2 which is a big waste of my day. its just too damn cold to go outside, -30 degrees celsius so theres not much i can do anyways. visited family on christmas eve, christmas day, and boxing day which was nice. watching lots of 'Tim and Eric' and 'Metalocalypse', and listening to Type o Negative. thats about it, my arms are getting tired from typing so i might update more later. bye bye!!

June 9, 2021..... mood: happy

hi friends, havent updated in a long time but not much is new!!! just been withering away in my uncleaned room, watching jersey shore and reading sharon blackie books. also hoping to get a job at the stampede cuz it'll be a nice temporary job before i start uni in the fall!! picked my courses for school already, gonna try a bit of everything my first year; ceramics, painting, drawing, fiber arts, sculpture, you name it! im really nervous tho and everytime i think about it i wanna pee myself (TMI). now that i got the boring 'catching up' part out of the way, i can update you on the juicy life of sarah. i found 20 winnie the pooh peek-a-pooh keychains from value village!! yall remember these bad boys you'd collect from vending machines?? yeah, i now have a whole army of them in my room. they perform rituals for me. thats about it, more stuff has happened since i last updated but i dont remember most of it, the pooh toys were the highlight. oh right i turned 19 in may and celebrated by getting drunk alone in my bedroom! #alchoholicthings. my birthday meal was corndogs and they were rlly good. also built a garden in my front yard and have been going on two daily walks, plus eating a lot of grapefruit. im healthy and thriving!!!!!! lotsa luv xxoo

p.s i want to get 2nd lobe piercings, 2 helix and snug piercings, a daith piercing and a belly botton piercing but i A) dont wanna spend a lot of money and B) dont wanna do it myself cuz i cant even trust myself to slice a carrot. im in a bit of a kerfuffle. i guess i dont have to get them all right away lol that seems like a viable option. also want an upper arm tattoo but am indecisive and cant commit to anything :pp

current favs: princess mononoke, mcbling, bath and bodyworks sunshine mimosa spray (reminds me of the summer of 2014), alice return to madness gameplay videos, eastern european rave music, hippie vans, this song (pause autoplay at bottom of page)

April 12, 2021..... mood: melancholy, derpy af :p

'ello mate! been sorta out of wack lately, got laid off from my job cuz our stores hours got cut. me and a couple other ppl were let go since we were only part-time but hey, atleast i wasnt fired or anything! im trying to maintain a schedule by getting up early, going on daily walks, applying for more jobs and overall being productive but its difficult to feel motivated. im just grateful i dont have to rely on my paycheck to stay afloat cuz im fortunate to still live with my sweet dear old parents. but i mean, i probably wouldnt move out anyways considering our current state of affairs (d'uh).

on a brighter note, i have more time to draw and craft now! im making little felt crafts just to try something new; so far ive made a mushroom, a heart, a gnome, and a tulip. they look like shit but i enjoy doing it :D!!! maybe ill post pics when im done (i probably wont :3)!!! been thrifting a bit as well. recently ive bough a fur coat that a deceased old lady probably wore, 'thirteen' on dvd and a cat necklace! this was a rlly short entry but not much else to say! losta love xoxoxoxo!

March 9, 2021..... mood: tired, whimsical

wazzuppp!! life has been pretty stagnant and mundane but i guess its like that for everyone nowadays. work is fine overall but its getting a lil draining; my hours are fine and being a cashier isn't bad but i have an irrational looming fear of recieving another write up and getting fired. ig its all good tho, atleast i have moneyyy to spend. i bought a book called 'the enchanted life' by Sharon Blackie for $20 bucks and an overpriced drink from a health food store the other day; needless to say im a pretty big spender lol. also thrifting which adds up after a while but i still have a pretty decent start for my travel fund! wanna go to europe in a few years, gonna hop from place to place in the cheapest ways possible. wanna go to scotland again woo hoo!

on another note, ive been really into early 2010s indie style lately. ya know, the twee zooey deschanel/casual slouchy tumblr fangirl style?? if that makes any sense?? eh, this and this is wat i kinda mean. fashions fall back into trends every 20-ish years but im bringing back 2013 right now, pass over the owl necklace and hipster beanie plz. the looks are so cute but my love for that era also stems from my misguided nostalgia for the simpler times in my life. particularly grade 6 cuz i also wanted to dress like a pretentious fuck indie girl sooo bad. the time when i had friends and we would ride bikes in our neighborhood until sunset. when i was obsessed with the hunger games and greek mythology and spent countless hours doodling manga. or when i would wake up a few hours before school to play roblox on my dads computer. ugh, the good ol' days. im still generally content but i just miss the carefree joy of early adolescence. im so old now. im withering away like a decrepit old woman. my bones are breaking. help me. plz D:

also tryna make a zine. dont know what it'll be about or how i will give it to other ppl but its just a fun little project for my days off. ill probably just doodle in it or whatever. most likely just portraits. or household objects. or an enraged wizard using magic to burn down a village of tiny clown babies. who knows, my options are endless!!

current favs: fanciful vintage postcards like this, meshes of the afternoon (1943), turquoise/red/purple color combo, veggie straws, snapple spiked, two door cinema club, camo pajama bottoms, this pic, brooke waggoner - fresh pair of eyes

Feb 7, 2021..... mood: distracted, generally well thanks for asking

waddup whores, im backk! havent updated in over a month but nothing exciting has been happening lately. wait... who am i kidding...nothing exciting in my life ever happens LOL. i know my entries can seem a bit pointless considering how uneventful and mundane my life is but that doesnt matter to me. i have naturally always romanticized my life despite not experiencing anything remarkable or significant to others. i think of myself as a protagonist in a coming of age film; not in one of those annoying 'main character energy' ways (because i am self aware enough to recognize my insignificance), but because it helps me view and connect my experiences in a timeline and make life appear more interesting to me. being percieved as interesting has never bothered me that much; of course i want cool stories to pass on and i dont want to live one of those 'white picket fence and a dog named skip' lives. but i would rather live an interested life than and interesting life cuz at the end of the day, no one will remember i even existed anyways. i say that in the most positive way possible too, anonymity is freedom baby!!

depsite typing that whole schpeil, i still have contradictory feelings about my legacy. while not really caring about being remembered or revered by strangers and future generations, i dont want my grandchildren to view me as some irrevelent cat lady they happen to be related to. i have talents in a few areas and i let that go to waste due to lack of motivation. i consume too much and create too little. i think thats a problem a lot of people face nowadays due to the constant stimulation, information and them damn dopamine feedback loops. i mean, why would i want to create art and better myself when i can watch 2 hours of Miss Shaye St. John anyways?? i just gotta get off my ass, its that simple :3. anyways, thanks for listening to my vapid little rant, lotsa luv xox ♥️

current favs: salted carmel monster java, ouran high school host club, helsinki street style, helena bonham carters outfits, banana peppers, sushi cats, looking at gore on reddit because closed down even though i hate gore but my entire existence is confusing haha, hats with pom poms

January 5, 2021..... mood: festive, optimistic, vibin

happy new years bros, are you ready for another shitty year x3??? i sure as hell am! christmas was pretty chill, got a cocteau twins and crystal castles CD, two stuffies (an eggplant and some tomatoes) and cash. not much else to say but i just wanted 2 update. been working A LOT and when im not, im going to the new value village that opened in my city!! i love thrifting but big chain thrift stores are soo expensive now and only seem to be raising their prices cuz thrifting is popular now. what else to expect from corporations? i piss on rich tiktok 'alt' ppl for stealing all the good clothes from lower income ppl and reselling on depop at an exaggerated rate but in the end, as long as less people support fast fashion and are supporting sustainable practices, IDC. its not their fault value village upsells items even if they get all their merchandise for free. charitable my ass!! i wish we had more local thrift stores here. also been trying to redecorate my messy ass room but its a very slow process. i live in a dumpster kingdom and i am the trash queen! thas it, hope u all had a decent xmas and new yrs, peace out!

current favs: 70's floral dishware, 'The Revolution From Within' by Gloria Steinem, bjork (i am ricardo lopez 2.0), cat mugs, pink bathrooms, paranormal activity series, early 2010s hipster fashion, candycane coffee creamer, layla in buffalo 66 (cuz shes hot), legwarmerzz, jellycat stuffed animals, i am not a serial killer (2016)

December 16, 2020..... mood: fulfilled, tired

konichiwa bitchesss!! A LOT has happened since my last post. got a job at a dollar store and i got accepted into uni! im superrr tired all the time so this entry might be a lil short but no one needs to hear my ramblings anyways. ive been whining about "me no have job :(" on this blog far too many times, so now i can finally stfu about it yay!! ive been working for a few weeks now and it sucks sometimes cuz im anxious about making mistakes. but i guess its going well enough, havent been fired (yet). im gonna save up to pay off future student loans and hopefully go to europe in a few years. also i can buy thrift store clothes without worrying about the prices now that i have MONAYYY. maybe im being a lil idealistic but im happy im doing shit with my life instead of just laying around smoking and watching breaking bad lololol. also im almost finished making my mom a scarf, its rlly ugly. thankx 4 reading, im sleep deprived xoxo ;)

November 14, 2020..... mood: vibing

haiii! I havent been motivated to update this website lately but things are going pretty well. Still no job BUT I did get an interview for a store in the mall :D. I didnt end up getting the job but its a step in the right direction, and now I'm familiar with the interview process. I dont think ill get a job anytime soon tbh, the economy is shit and places want to employ people with actual work experience :'(. I wanted this gap year to work and make moolah but being lazy is sometimes nice too. On the bright side, I got finished my portfolio and uploaded my application in for uni!!! Now its just a matter of waiting but I'm hopeful ill get in!! Other than that, things are monotonous but I'm content; I taught myself how to crochet and I made my first scarf. Who knows, maybe I can start a crocheting buisness?? Also, update from the camping I mentioned in my last blog entry. It was fun I guess, had a generally good time and the camp ground was rlly scenic! one dude i was camping with drank too much, which didnt mix well with his medicine. ended up going to the hospital but he was fine after that!! and this other guy was off his face and acting like a fool, so he had to be driven to the police station to sober up!! he was crazy and put his hand in the campfire. hehe. that was fun LOL.

Current Favorites: crocheting, carving linocuts, catladycore (an aesthetic I shall single-handedly make popular >:3) , delft jewlery, Hope Gangloff art, handmade ceramics, this song, arm warmers, Laurel Burch cats, You've Got Mail, Twilight, blackfly coolers, snooki from jersey shore :p

August 19, 2020..... mood: bored

waddup! sorry 4 all the long diary entries lately, ill try 2 keep this one short & sweet :). I still dont have a job, literally applied to 25 places but no one wants to hire me ;(. i expected that it would take a while but im starting to get disheartened, especially if mcdonalds doesnt want me!!! despite what my blog ramblings might indicate, im actually a pretty eloquent person when im tryna be formal, so idk if my resume is bad?? besides that tho, everything is chill; been going on night walks, working on my portfolio for uni, drinking alone hehe. i like listening to creepypastas when im drawing lately and ohmygod they suck balls. but i still consume hours of creepypasta content cuz im slowly devolving into my 6th grade self. also rewatching deathnote. maybe ill start wearing galaxy leggings and calling myself a kawaii potato again ?? lastly, im gonna go camping with some friends from friday till sunday to the mountains. i guess im excited but also nervous, i get really anxious/uncomfortable when we hang for a few hours, let alone 2 nights. i think they like me? idk some ppl are nice but i get bad vibes from a few of them. im just happy ill get to frolic in a beautiful forest and eat pretty mushrooms i find on the ground :). ill probs update when i get back :p. thxxx 4 reading, expect some changes 2 my homepage soon. xoxox

p.s heres a video i love (pause bg music at bottom of page luvs)

p.p.s watch 'Threads' (1984). its about nuclear annihilation and is the most realistic movies about that topic ive seen so far! while it was scarier in the midst of the cold war, its still rlly depressing, 100% recommend :D. nuclear war is not out of the realm of possibility :). also watched 'The Day After' (1983) and it was terrible, dont watch it; it was romanticized, unrealistic, bad acting. threads is better ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

July 21, 2020..... mood: content

wazzzuppp! idk why im even updating, not much has been going on lately but i havent posted a new entry in almost a month sooo here i am. applied for a couple of jobs at a no frills and a local health food store. havent got a call back in over a week but i know getting a job will be hard under these circumstances anyways. but i want moneyyyyyy, im literally broke :'(!!! how am i supposed to upkeep my debilitating alcoholism if i only have 5 bucks in my pocket :o?? obviously im joking, i actually havent been overconsuming on mind altering substances lately; im gonna take a short break from weed cuz the last few times ive been suuuper anxious and paranoid. it was probably the strain but i figure that weed doesnt rlly do anything for me. im not quitting but like, i realized maybe being sober isn't terrible lol! i guess ive been doing better lately. its probably because of quarantine; i never had much of a social life anyways, so taking a longer break from seeing people didn't cripple my mental health like it did for some other ppl. if anything, being alone lets me process my emotions more and i don't have the stress of seeing people at school. i've never hated people but i generally prefer to observe them from afar than actually interact. while i was never forced to do any of this, i always felt social pressure to act a certain way around others. how i dress, act, talk, look. but it doesnt matter anymore. it hasnt really sunk in that i never have to go back to that god-awful place (because this has just felt like one painfully long summer) but its true. but in all honesty, highschool wasnt the worst. im lucky i had access to a decent education and teachers who were (generally) supportive. and the students weren't that bad; i never got bullied and always had friends to hang out with at lunch. maybe im just salty cuz i didn't get the highschool experience i was hoping for.

anyways, i saw my friend yesterday! its been a month since ive last saw her and we dont see each other that often cuz we went to different highschools. but im glad things never got awkward between us and things are still pretty normal even 3 years later. alsooo been watching a lot of jersey shore. i rlly love trash tv and snooki is one of my favorites cuz shes a bit of a mess. trashy reality tv isnt the same anymore...obviously its all stupid mindless garb but its not even entertaining like it used to be!! if im gonna lose braincells watching ppl make complete fools of themselves, atleast make it fun to watch!!! but no. i tried watching love island, too hot to handle, and a few others and MY GOD. THEY R SO BORING. ugh. thx 4 reading (who am i kidding, no one reads this). have a gr8 day!!!

P.S i forgot to add, i got a 5/5 in AP art! im actually proud of myself, i thought i was gonna get a 3 cuz i was dissatisfied with the stuff i made but damnnn! ap isn't as hard as ib (international) but it was still a lot of work. considering i started halfway through the year and rushed (and worked my ass off) im rlly proud of myself! im the 2nd person in my teachers ap class to ever get a 5! ik it sounds like bragging but screw it. it wasnt just my teacher giving me the mark but selected AP judges! overall, i ended up with a 95% in the class which is amazing since i only got a 59% in normal art (i got lazy this year). now i can hand in a good mark for my portfolio for art school! woohooooo! :D

June 26, 2020..... mood: nostalgic, melancholy

haiiii, i had a few okay days lately. watched a couple studio ghilbi movies for the first time yesterday/today and OMGGG they r super cute!! i ate an edible when i watched 'my neighbor totoro' last night and the experience was very heightened; the animation was gorgeous and the storyline made me rlly emotional lol. right after viewing, i went to sleep and had some terrible nightmares. one in particular stood out; my dad was in his office and there was a ticking time bomb. my perspective was in third person watching my dad was trying to dismantle the bomb. he couldnt figure it out and he awaited his death. his face was filled with defeat and anguish. the bomb exploded and killed him. for some reason, the rest of his office didnt explode and my sleeping mom/brother didnt wake. i waited for my family to get up and frantically told them what happened but my mom didnt believe me. upon showing her the wreckage, my fathers body remains were no where to be found. there was only a polaroid on his desk of his bloody corpse laying on the floor. i felt the pressure and sadness of losing him but i woke up soon after. it was horrible.

i also watched spirited away, it was a great feel-good adventure movie but for some reason it made me sad. almost like a longing for a more innocent time in my life. but im growing up and have to still find a job lol. i am rlly emotional today, i rlly love my family. but on the bright side, we might go to banff on sunday!!! today was officially the last day of school!!! i have to get my application for AU Arts in but it might be a bit late. fuck me. all this free time during quarantine and i still do jack. gonna work on my resume and probably watch another studio ghibli movie. baiiiii!

feeling like the baby from spirited away rn

baby baby

June 18, 2020..... mood: pretty gud

sup l0zerz!!! im rlly satisfied and excited cuz i graduated highschool yesterday ≧◡≦...(who would've thought lol ^^)! It was held in a parking lot and we stayed in our car basically the whole time to maintain social distancing. however, i got to get out and take a few pics, as well as walk a stage and wear my grad outfit. we had a nice ceremony and there were only 40-ish other cars, so it wasnt drawn out too long. besides, i got to have Mr.Noodles in the car with me lol. it still sucks that covid messed all this shit up but we might invite our family over for a bbq as a small celebration. im just glad i didnt spend an excess amount of money on a dress; i bought a $70 dress from free people, floral cowgirl boots and a crystal necklace, basically something a country girl would wear (yee yee)!

other things are good too, been hanging out with people slowly and surely, gonna hang out with a group of ppl tomorrow. we had a get together a few days ago which was actually rlly fun; i felt confident and relaxed but maybe that was just cuz i knew more ppl there. tomorrow might be a different story cuz i know less people but hey, probably gonna have a few drinks so thats good. just hope i wont embarrass myself aha.

i went to a pub with my mom for the first time and it was rlly great, we had a few beers and talked for a few hours. we also went to a downtown pub today which was rlly nice too, had another beer. it feels weird having drinks with my mom but im not gonna complain :p

lastly, i got my ears peirced a couple of days ago! it doesnt sound like much but ive been waiting 18 years to get a basic lobe piercing and stainless steel studs. my dad wanted me to complete confirmation to the catholic church before i got them done but never initiated or helped me with it. also, ew i didnt wanna do it anyways (sorry jesus ily) ;p. now i wanna get a bunch of peircings on my ears to the point were u cant even see them anymore!!! i know this was a long entry but a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. peace out bitchezzz!

May 18, 2020..... mood: chill, so-so

guess who turned 18 today bitchezzzz!!??!!! MEEE (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧.TBH, I'm really happy for only one reason...i get to buy booze without hassel now (d'uh)! other than that, being eighteen can go fuck itself cuz I DONT WANNA BE AN ADULT ಥ_ಥ!! even though my life wont entirely change just because its my birthday, this is the beginning of the end. having more responsibilities and entering the 'adult world' isn't bad in itself. if anything, im excited to see where life will take me; what job will i get, who will i meet, what opportunities will arise? but it just seems so scarrrryyy, im not a lil kid anymore, im a YOUNG ADULT!! i shouldve commited crimes when i was younger so i would be charged as a kid, but now if i commit murder or something ill get a harsher sentence :(.

The title is appropriate (*^ -^*)

Click here ;)

(turn off bg audio at bottom of page if u wanna listen)

April 13, 2020..... mood: chill

waddup! i dont actually feel too bad rn so i decided to write a post cuz its been a while. not much is new, havent left the house in 4 weeks lOlololol im going cray-cray. even though i have all this free time, im not doing my ap art or anything productive, cant find the motivation but who cares??? the apocalypse is now baby! anyways, here is sum 'important info'... i realized i never mentioned this on my blog AT ALL. I have numerous other sites on neocities because I need to make them as communication technology projects. but my first ever site on here was Trash Paradise, which I made 2018 :O!! i dont update it much anymore but still try to maintain it. i made planetsarah because my mom knew about trashparadise, and i didnt feel comfy sharing all my deepest darkest secrets (aka my unfavorable habits) on there. likewise, i wanted to change my sites aesthetic but wanted to keep trashparadise as a memory of when i first started and didnt want to change anything. its really kinda sad; 2 years on html and css practice and ive hardly improved. i even have the same layout LMAOOOo tragic. ik no one actually cares but meh, thought i should share. was looking at my dead mall page and i got rlly nostalgic. life was so much happier and simpler when i first made that blog and it was only two years ago ....lolz how sad??

shamless self promo, check it out (warning its lame): TrashParadise

I turn 18 in under 3 weeks and im soooo excited! im not even sad i wont get to celebrate properly cuz its gonna be postponed anyways. i wanna get crunk tho but my mom probs wont let me! she was like "maybe you can have a glass of wine with me" no offense mom but ive been stuck inside for 4 weeks and wanna have a bit of fun. buy me vodka girl!!! im tryna get my learners license before my birthday cuz a) being 18 without a learners license is pathetic and b) i cant buy my own booze, cigs, or weed without an id. i dont think the learners test will be available due to corona but ill try! im down to 2 more bowls of weed and might have to 'borrow' from my parents if necessary. im literally a virgin who cant drive and have the mentality of a fetus but im gonna be an adult!!!! woohooooo responsibilities!!!!

March 21, 2020..... mood: embarassed, anxious

hiii! the quarantine has been meh so far, not completely bored cuz i've been baking and doing art (not schoolwork tho lol) but i still miss the normalcy. i wanna go out, walk downtown, go to value village or the plant store but ehh. hopefully this doesnt last too much longer so i can have my 18th birthday party in may. i saw a newspapaer article saying how we have 31 weeks left of social distancing to lower the influx of people getting infected at once. i get why they're doing that but 31 fucking weeks!! 7 months!! ughhhh... c'est la vie! anyways, i hung out with a few friends for one dudes 18th birthday last night (only six people, calm down). it was a good time, watched 'the goat story' which is a fucking masterpiece of a movie. its a 2000s 'kids' animation but on acid. watch it on youtube...DO IT! gonna bake some cookies rn, thx 4 reading.

March 16, 2020..... mood: mehhhhhh

whatsup, i feel totally weird and unsure rn! all the schools in my province got cancelled yesterday because of coronavirus and idk wats gonna happen :(. im in grade 12 and im graduating this year so i NEED to go to school in order to get good marks/all my credits. i'm on the grad list and am already destined to graduate but STILL :'O. apparently schools won't open up until september and everyone is pissed... what about our graduation ceremony, as well as our last chance to say goodbye to everyone??? 12 fukin years of schooling and i didnt even get to enjoy my last day of school. i had no clue friday was gonna be my last, didnt even bring home my textbooks. but whatevs, maybe it actually will only be for a few weeks. never thought i would say this but i wanna go to school lol! i wanted 2-3 weeks off, not THE REST OF THE FUCKING YEAR!!! don't get me wrong, i understand why the government took this course of action; they dont want the virus to spread too rapidly and don't want everyone getting sick at once, (especially more susceptible people). however, im not gonna act like this doesnt suck. i guess we're just gonna take online courses and see how everything works out. but i don't know how well online classes will go over; i suck balls at math and idk if learning online would be the best for me??? maybe they will make the passing credentials easier in lieu of this unexpected event. the worst part for me is that theres this rlly cute guy at school and i wont be able to see him...i cri :'(. i know i know, my situation could be wayyyy worse but mehhhubncsajnjek.

even tho this school shit sucks, atleast i dont have to wake up as early to go to class lolz. besides, the current status of covid in my province seems like it can only get better. although more people have gotten infected in the last few days, the temporary closing of schools, recreational centers, some restaurants, workplaces etc will probably have a positive effect on how rapidly it spreads. likewise, even though all health zones have infected ppl, everyone with corona is contained and are expected to make a full recovery :'). maybe im being too niave but the coronavirus, atleast where i live, isnt the worst i guess. hopefully everyone takes the proper courses of action so no one dies and everyone has access to the resources they need :). stay safe yall, wash ur fuckin hands. xoxo

March 8, 2020..... mood: content

hiii, not feeling too bad rn. had a good time yesterday and exposing my ugly body actually wasnt so bad. i think i built it up in my head, no one cared lolol! after we went to his house and made dinner and shit. watched wall-e, it was chill. im currently doing AP art rn and im feeling a bit stuck and rushed (we have a check in in 4 days and i only have half my required work done). its my fault im behind tho, can't really feel too sorry for myself in this situation. art is stressful, i hate when i tell people about it and they say 'art is fun, its not hard'. like.....bruh......:/.....i wanna do well in the class x3!!! anywaysss, hope you all have a chill day. later! :D

March 6, 2020..... mood: anxious, excited

hellllooooo im at skool rn and i feel really anxious for no good reason!! im in my communications technologies class and just need to distract myself. i just wanna scream.... whatevs im just being a lil bitch and ill probs regret making this diary entry later lol :P. anywaysss, i got asked out on a date from this dude in my bio 30 class a couple of days ago! i literally never talked to him before that day and only 'knew' him cuz i recognized his face in the hallways. i didnt even know his NAME lmaoo. we were walking near each other in the hallway when he asked me out and i said yes because he seemed really awkward (i didnt wanna be rude). i regretted accepting immediately after and was beating myself up for it cuz i didnt want to lead him on. soooo yesterday i told him i wasnt looking for a relationship and cancelled the date. i was nice but i still feel a bit awkward cuz he sits IN FRONT OF ME IN CLASS ughhhhh. but to be fair, he doesnt even know me and probs only asked me out cuz he was desperate x3. i always complain about being lonely and then when someone asks me out i decline, but he should have sent me signals or ATLEAST talked to me prior. try not to catch someone off guard next time dude. i wanted to vomit.

^^^ that was the most interesting thing that happened all week (pathetic). i made plans with a few friends to go to a trampoline park but apparently someone died there and now its permanently closed x3. i think we're going swimming instead and im excited to go but i dont want to wear a swimsuit. long story short, i hate my body hehe :'). ill just wear shorts in the pool :(. whatevs, atleast ill be doing something fun with friends :). STOP BEING NEGATIVE SARAH >:D. i promise im not this much of a drag irl. have a good day yall!

Feb 28, 2020..... mood: burnt out, disheartened, clueless

hola, its been a while since i've updated my site :O! been feeling unmotivated to do anything on neocities for a while, busy with the new semester and stuff. got math, which is NOT my strong suit. frankly, i suck balls at it; i do homework and shiz but still get crap marks :(. i also have a lot of AP art to catch up on but i really like art so it'll be fine. speaking of which, i think i might put some of my art on here soon!! i've already said that multiple times but i promise i'll do it x). i try to convey emotion in my drawings but they always end up looking like something an edgy emo 12 year old would make (whatevs). anyways, i turn 18 in a lil over 2 months :D!! can't wait till i can start smoking and drinking (legally) without any repercussions.....except maybe a lifelong alchohol problem and dying braincells lolz*_*. im probs just gonna go out to dinner with my family and just chill. i turn 18 on a sunday night and don't wanna be hungover at school:(. typing this out, i realized how much i talk about my degeneracy on here, i'm a good kid...i promise >:O!!!! lastly, i love my kitten Buttons. she makes me feel needed and shes hella cute!! ill make a page for her :p. thanks 4 reading :'D

Jan 20, 2020..... mood: clueless, bored, pissed (idk why lol)

wazzzup!!! finished last day of semester one classes today; still have to do 2 multiple choice diploma exams (social studies and english) but then i get a week long exam break :)! i am kinda nervous about my art mark cuz i didnt hand in a project. generally i thrive in art, in previous years i got a's but now im at a 48% :/. im going to art school in a couple of years (taking a gap year to work and contemplate my future).... i have all the pre requisites to do so but idk if art school is worth it?? maybe im wrong or ignorant but its a lot of money for something that probably wont guarantee me a successful career. whatever, gonna stop thinking about it for now so i dont freak out O_O. thats about it, idk why i made a blog post if it wasnt gonna be that interesting but i just felt like it. gonna watch bohemian rhapsody or something. peace out bitchezzz

enjoy gif of pikalil:

Jan 18, 2020..... mood: bummed

Had a pretty shitty last few days tbh. Bought some vodka from a friend, got drunk on a thursday night, thought it would be a good idea to go to the park in -30 degree weather, and got caught inebriated by my parents. TBH, im not so bummed about the fact they know i drink (since they already know i do it), but because i admitted a couple secrets to them while intoxicated and know they probs judge me now. Alsooo, stupid drunk me told them where my vodka was and they dumped $15 bucks worth down the sink :(. Im mainly mad about that, I still had like,,,12 shots worth in there. Last night I was bored, so I took my last tab of acid. I haven't done psychedelics in months, and left the tab in tinfoil, so I knew it would have degraded a bit. But the experience was wayyyyyy lamer than I thought; I slept most of the time and only had a few loopy visuals :(. im over pshycs, im gonna take a break from them for a while.

Lastly, I forgot to mention that we got an orange tabby kitten named Buttons, and I primarily take care of her (so she loves me the most ^^). She is soooo cute, will post pics of her soon. Thanks 4 reading my pathetic entry, have a gr8 life :P.

Dec 29, 2019..... mood:chill, festive, happy

Merry late christmas! the holidays were gr8 but not much to say 'bout it; i had dinner with family, slept over at my aunts, and just chilled. also, i got a lava lamp and money so im pretty stoked! i've also been drawing a calender for my mom (as a present) and its verrrry time consuming. not a long entry, just wanted to wish yall a happy holiday/new year, byeeeee!

Dec 15, 2019..... mood:chill, headphones, vibing

hellloooo! had a fine day today, waked and baked this morning! i burned incense and the smoke looked like a beautiful floating whale :). then me and my mom went to a crytsal store and got coffee, which was pretty chill. i picked up drusy quartz, yellow calcite, rose aura crystla, and a few more. i dont believe in the healing power of crystals all that much but they are really prettttyyyy and i spent about 20 bucks on rocks lolz. i also ate too much today (2000-ish calories) and i feel so gross :'/, i seriously hate eating it makes me feel terrible. i wish i could live off sunlight like a plant. thxxx for reading, gonna go to the park to swing and smoke a cig :p

EDIT: went to the park at 1:00 in the morning and saw 5 deer! one of the deer ran right by my swing and we stared at each other for a minute :). stay safe lil deer friends

Dec 4, 2019..... mood:anxious, tired

wow, srry i havent updated my blog in a while ^^;! the fleetwood mac concert was amazing, really glad i got to go but there isnt much to tell about it except that it was phenomenal. my brother and i sat wayyyy in the back but still got a gr8 view of the stage and i got to see stevie nicks with my own eyes :O... also the singer from Split Enz sang a few songs which was cool. anyways, school has been blah; i have no motivation to do anything i love anymore and concentrating on homework is even harder. ill get through it but the future really scares me! its too cold to go out, wear flattering clothes and walk to the gym, so there isnt much to do except eat and get fat in bed. im so sluggish :/

i've been really into watching the show 'life below zero'. its about people who survive living in alaska and walking us thru their lives (i would totally recommend, its on netflix). their lives kinda make my problems feel miniscule lol! also been smoking lots of ciggies and trying to quit. as much as i luv them, smoking is rlly gross and its bad for me (d'uh lololol). idk why i even started :(. besides that, things i've been loving are the movies 'Minnie and Moskowitz' and 'Holding the Man', mid 90's-early 2000s club music, and medival botanical art. thxxx 4 readin' :D

Nov 9, 2019..... mood:chill, happy, bouncy

haihaihaihai ^^! i have a long weekend cuz we have monday off for remembrance day! i dont have a lot of classes in november since there are so many PD/interview days, so thats rlly nice! we also have a grade 12 retreat all day on thursday (which is basically just a lecture about God from some 'hip' and 'cool' millenial catholic) :/. don't get me wrong, i believe in God but i'm not gonna spend all damn day listening to that!! i told my mom i'll skip but she said no (what a shock), but i still will cuz idc :p.

I'm going to a fleetwood mac concert with my brother tomorrow!!!! im so fuckin excited i love fleetwood mac! stevie nicks is a legend! i've never been to a concert for a band i actually enjoy, so this is rlly amazing ughhh. theres not much else to say about that tho, i'll probs update about it after! have a good day / night / week / watever!