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OMMMGGG GUYYYS! it's beens soooo long since Ive updated this blog, i haven't forgotten about it but life got in the way! I'll try to update from the last post but honestly this year seems like a blur. I guess I'll start with school: my 3rd year concluded on a really good note. The last semester ended with a panel critique, in which both my drawing instructors judged my progress from the year. I got almost all A's and I recieved very postive feedback. Currently in my fourth year, i'm attempting to apply these assessments to my current production and I feel very overwhelmed. There are so many things I want to pursue but I feel too disjointed to start. It's difficult to condense all my inspirations down into singular pieces, and the fast paced nature of the final year priorititizes cohesive output over creativity. However, all the fine arts students are hosting an off-site gallery show downtown and I have the opportunity to showcase one piece in an actual gallery setting! With this in mind, I get to experience a whole new mode of networking and will further be inspired by the other artists around me! On another note, summer was okay. Basically just worked my same ol' job but still enjoyed my relaxation by reading. My favorites books were Cormac Mc Carthy's "The Road" and "Surfacing" by Margaret Atwood. Besides that, I sat on my porch, walked downtown and explored urban parks I hadn't previously traversed. I think my favorite part of the summer was visiting Gimli again. I haven't been there in years and I was able to enjoy my family's old cabin once more. I learned that it's been passed down our lineage since 1917 and its history weighs on my heart everytime I step foot onto the property. I think it's the knowledge of it's temporality that gives my an overwhelming sense of melancholy, the passage of time, the recognition that someday it will cease. I want to hold onto the past forever. I also want change, which creates a tension in my life. I don't know where I'm going. I was sitting on the beach, 3:00 am, drunk. I was listening to the waves and cool wind, but PJ Harvey's "Good Fortune" was blasting in my ears when I didn't want to face the dark void ahead. Suddenly, a friendly middle age couple appeared behind me. "Wanna listen to some music?" they asked. "Sure". "Would you like some jazz?". "I like anything". The man proceeded to string his guitar while the womans voice piped, a brewski in hand, and that was the most relaxed I had felt in a long, long time. Usuallly if two strangers appear behind you in the middle of the night, your first instinct is to avoid. But the murder rate in gimli is basically nil, and the passing thought of the couple stabbing me in the chest quickly dissipaited with the sound of their tune. Something about this strange couple serenading me didn't feel out of place, but the recollection of it is still peculiar. Maybe they were succubi stealing life force from my enjoyment. They had finished 3 songs for me before I thanked them and left. I felt a tingle down my spine, a sleepiness, a possession. I feel it now writing this. They entranced me.
Other than that, my year has been clubbing and pubbing. I love to dance and drink. Watching shitty horror movies from the 80's and buying more colorful clothes from the thrift store. Nothing much to say. I feel free, I love my life, I want to scream. Current Favs: Charlie Brown's Great Pumkpin (1966), cobalt blue, 90's house music, vampire blood body spray from bath and bodyworks
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HIII guys! Been super long since I've last updated again! Winter break was good, mainly just worked but also visted family at my grandpa's house. Saw my cousin who's been away in the army for a while, and got a survival bag from my cool ass uncle!! It's equiped with a knife and a drinking tube that purifies water (or something like that). School's also been going well, I made the presidents honor role due to my high GPA, which was a nice validation for my hard work. I'm currently on reading week, and I picked up a few shifts, so I haven't been doing as much homework as I hoped to. I'm a little bit anxious about that, but that's life! Have also been meeting a lotta cool people this year! Thats a general outline of events the last few months, and I don't wanna discuss all the tedious details in between. As of late, I've been chilling with my brother. We've caught a few hockey games and have gone to local pubs, which just amounts to getting toasted. Also been going to buffets with close relatives (you know I've been eatin' real good). Last time, I was told I'm gonna be the maid of honor at my cousins wedding!! I guess that's it...I recall trying to write a new entry in January, but couldn't find anything cohesive to note. I know people don't read this "diary" for enthralling, mind-boggling stories (if anyone actually does read this), but sometimes it's hard to come up with things to discuss. My life is mundane and I love it! I think the complexities of ones life don't usually amount to much when shared with others. I'm cool with that. Hope your life is going okay, whoever you are! Edit: As of March 1st, I reached 500,000 views! Thanks so much for clicking on my silly lil site! Lotsa luv :D Current Favs: FUBAR (2002), Audrey Hepburn movies, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (I finally read it), big silver hoop earrings, bell-bottoms (got my first pair on boxing day for half off babyyy), sewing and fabric design, frutiger aero
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HIIIII!!! I never know how to start these blog posts anymore considering how much time passes between them. I'm still employed at the garden center and am currently performing customer service tasks on saturdays. It's all going well, as the fall and winter season allow for lots of sudoku/reading time between customers. Also have been snacking on lots of candy canes at work, so I guess you could say I'm having a pretty damn good time lolz! I've also been complimenting my cat a lot more, since I want her to feel special and important. Of course, calling a cat a stupid little bitch is super funny, but I don't those mean words to become part of the ether and eventually make her insecure :(!!! School is also going well, as my grades are high and I'm more secure in the work I've been producing. I'm not too concerned with maintaining an art style, as school is ideal time to experiment with mediums and techniques. Yet, I find myself consistently depicting botanicals and vibrant colors. I usually implement pen, ink, and fine marker into my works, as texture and detail are a significant interest in my artistic practice. I've also joined an art market where I'm gonna be selling a few drawings; I'm excited but sorta nervous cuz the drawings and cards I've created were haphazardly produced in between classes. I'm worried they're too mediocre to be sold, but I'm more concerned with learning the process of actually selling work. Other than school and my job, I've been doing the exact same; I've been reading, thrift shopping for clothes I don't need, and toootally just chillin' out brooooooo. Since I last updated, summer has long passed. There's not much to say, but it was cool. My parents and brother went to visit family 2 provinces away, since I had to stay home to work. I was very disappointed, as I wasn't able to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins I only see about once a year. Likewise, I miss the old cabin and the beach in Gimli so dearly, as it is a long standing piece of my childhood and I'm not sure when I'll get to visit again!!! However, it was nice to have the house to myself. When I wasn't working, I was drinking on my porch and watching south park. Also listened to alotta dad rock, like Van Halen and Ted Nugent. Perhaps an outsider would say "wow, Sarah, thats a super sad way to spend your time alone." And to that I say, fuuuuuck you I had fun! One more tiny lil thing. I'm taking an English class that focuses on Canadian Gothic literature. So far, we've read very interesting (and controversial) short stories and books. My favorites are "Childs Play" by Alice Monroe, and "Monkey Beach" by Eden Robinson. I especially recommend the last one, as Robinson's writing was very down-to-earth but also very compelling! Also currently reading Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar", but I've currently misplaced it and cannot finish it :(. Current Favs: light pink nail polish (to make my fingers appear longer and prevent habitual nail biting), Gummo (1997), the arts and craft movement, Labyrinth (1986), Marie Antoinette (2006)
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Loooong time no see! I've been drinking a lil bit since I have a day off, so i apologize for my muddled writing. I can't even begin to describe how much has been going on in the last few months, but a lot of it seems to be a blur to me anyways! I've been working at as a cashier at a garden center since april, which has been taking up a lot of my time; I was originally supposed to be only a seasonal cashier for spring, as the busiest time to plant is in may. However, I'm now being trained to perfom customer service tasks and am expected to stay the whole year!! I have actually found the work place environment to be amiable; all my coworkers are nice, the managers don't breath down my back, and most customers are civil (I mean, who buys flowers in a bad mood :p). On my days off, I walk around downtown and I have spending a lot more time on my front porch. Sounds boring, I know, but I figure I should enjoy the cheeriness of my garden and the fresh air insead of sitting on a couch all day :D. Also have been reading more, as the store gets less busy I am able to read between customers. It's very refreshing, as I haven't been reading as much since highschool. So far, I've finished "Northanger Abbey" by Jane Austen, "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, and "Circe" by Madeline Miller. Not very many books or short stories considering the length of the year, but I think I've rediscovered a fulfilling pastime opposed to sitting on my phone for hours on end! Other than that, I have been doin' the norm; drinking cheap iced coffee from timmies, drawing during my free time, and thrifting (even though my closet is already full.) Thanks for reading! I know this information is very vague, but it's difficult to construct a detailed entry when such a long amount of time has surpassed. Maybe I'll write shortly, maybe I won't...........byeeeee! Current Favs: south park, orange fizz geraniums, brie, cherry blossom body spray, liminal spaces, VH1 Of Love Reality TV "Rock of Love, Daisy of Love, Flavor of love..." (lol).
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yoyoyo! A lot of time has passed since ive last updated, as usual lol. My last semester was great, ended up with good marks and I really enjoyed my time! Christmas break was cool, my little brother turned 18 and we went pubbing a bunch of times. Other than that, just watched the entirety of 'The Girls Next Door' and 'Futurama'. Also hung out with my family, had a nice Christmas and got a pyrography kit!! Not much else to say other than that, atleast nothing interesting. My current semester is also going well so far, in two drawing classes and enjoying them both; one is centered around ideas/concepts and the other is centered around media techniques. Personally, I enjoy the latter more, as the first feels kind of lackluster concerning how much new knowledge I'm aquiring. The projects seem pretty basic (like, highschool basic) considering I'm in my second year now. Typing this will probably bite me in the ass tho, the course probably get more difficult as the term progresses! Other than that, I'm also taking a media analysis and a world literature class, which are both going well. I'm meeting lots of nice people and I even got an artwork accepted in a student gallery!!! Not a huge deal but it's a step in the right direction. Side note, also watching lots of free movies on "Tubi", which has alotta obscure, weird, totally freaky movies I've never even heard of before. My personal favs are in the comedy/horror genre, like 'Bong of the Living Dead' and 'Poultryguist'. Also FART the movie, a whole 1 and a half hours of fart puns. Total gold, maaaan. current favs: dungeon synth, strawberry dessert wine, makin smoothies, spacehey (a myspace dupe)
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wazzzzzzzzzuppp!! not much has been goin' on, but id figure updating would be a good so i dont have to info dump my diary with like, 6 months of worthless dribble. school is going surprisingly well, i only have 4 courses and the work load is soooo much less stressful than with 5. i mean, i can actually go a full day without doing homework, which feels super weird!! ive been taking long walks after some of my classes through this really nice neighboorhood with lotsa coffee shops. I always end up getting an iced coffee from tim hortons tho, its good and comparably cheap. then, i walk to a park bench in this huge field and just chill out with my earbuds in. super boring, i know, but its become sorta a ritual for me. been also meeting more people at my uni; last year i was a total hermit and had no interest in making friends. don't get me wrong, i'd always converse and casually chat, but i was always a bit apathetic towards forming friendships. its great opening up to people now, probably cuz i don't feel as stressed and preoccupied with my work. besides that, i am more satisfied with the art ive been producing. i'm now able to put more time and effort into my pieces, so i feel 100 times more accomplished than i used to! overall, everything is fine. even though thinking about the future is tiresome, i'm way more positive than i used to be. hopefully this isn't just a fleeting response to my new found comfort, but a good mindset doesnt hurt either. current favs: the simple life, the cosy white bedsheet i found in my closet, buffalo '66, liminal spaces, earl grey tea
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 tired
Hiii guys, long time no see!! I have a lot to update on but i'll try to keep it brief. My second semester of uni was pretty good; i took fibre, art history, drawing, english, and sculpture. Even though the studio courses were out of my comfort zone (except for drawing), i learned a lot of great techniques and skills to apply to my future pieces. My scultpure class was surprisingly beneficial to my understanding of formulating concepts, as it helped my consider my material use and the application of the visionary aspects of my art, as opposed to the purely representational characteristics. I say this because my scultpure class wasn't as concerned with traditional methods of building 3D forms (as it incorporated more contemporary, found object means), but considered the explantions behind the figures I created. I probably won't take sculpture again, as it isn't something I will pursue in the future, but I found it highly constuctive to my learning process. Additionally, the fibre class I took was completely new to me and I highly enjoyed it. I made A LOT of mistakes, such as improperly hemming an apron project and creating an embroidery that didn't live up to my standards (my class also seemed to also dislike it during my critique :( ). However, learning about embroidery, fabric dying, and silkscreening was a huge part in furthering my skills. Drawing, english, and art history went okay as well. But those are things I'm already familiar with, so I won't ramble about those classes. Overall, my second semester went well. I got a 3.6 GPA and almost got straight A's, except for a B- in art history. My professor was tough and it was online. Summer was AMAZING!!! I got a full 4 months and enjoyed nearly every second of it. I had two months to find a job, as my family and I were going on a 1 month trip across Canada. Because of this, I wasn't able to have a job during the entirety of the break. I still tried, thinking I could land a temporary position. Unfortunately, I was unable to find anything; I tried applying for 40 places online but nobody responded, and I tried handing my resume in person and it wasn't accepted. Finding a job is super difficult and it's makin me craaazy!! When I applied online, employers don't respond (as there is an influx of other people applying), and since they wont accept in person, that leaves me barely any options to expose myself to possible employers. It's a sick cycle and I'm tired of it. In light of this, I've signed up for a 'brand ambassador' website, so I can hopefully cater on weekends when I'm not busy with school. Besides my job dilemma, I stayed productive and made the best of the time I had. I made a lot of art, went on long walks around my neighborhood, and helped my parents around the house. I also watched the full 'Trailer park boys' series and listened to alotta the 'Butthole Surfers' aswell. It was very relaxing and I tried to enjoy every second of it, as this will be the last summer that is truly reminiscent of my childhood. Just hanging around, having calm fun, being close with my loved ones. Despite making the best of these months, I felt a deep sense of melancholy, as it's truly sunk in how my wonderful youth is slipping away. The roadtip I went on was absolutely fantastic. My family and I drove to Ontatio, Quebec, Nova Scotia, and PEI, which was a really long time to be in the car but I didn't mind. We also camped for a majority of the trip, as hotels were ridiculously expensive (like, $300 bucks for a comfort inn, yikes). A whole month is a lot to explain, but thankfully I wrote every day in a journal for my own personal use, so I won't have to document every single detail on here (lucky you). Driving thought Ontario was vast and forested, and was excrusiatingly long but amazingly beautiful as well. On our first night, me and my brother explored a small forest close to our campsite, which lead to some old train tracks. We looked at the sunset together and I regret not appreciating it more in the moment. Toronto and Ottowa were great to see, very metropolitan and had a lot of great architecture. Personally, my favorite structures resided in Quebec City, or more specifically, the historical district. The 17th century buildings and cobblestone paths reminded me of Europe; it breathed art and French-Canadian culture, as well as incorporated many hidden gems (such as the Museum of Bad Art). Nova Scotia had incredible natural beauty, as were were constantly surrounded by lush fertile hills, rugged beaches, and abundant greenery. We stayed over at my mom's friend's house, which was not only a nice break from sleeping in a sleeping bag, but also a lovely visit. My favorite of all the provinces was PEI, as I was able to visit Green Gables and the historical sites of Canadian author L.M Montgomery. I've been a fan of Anne of Green Gables since I was a child (I even dressed up as Anne for halloween in elemetary school lol), and I'm very glad I got to experience the classical sites of my favorite nostalgic book series from my early childhood. Additionally, PEI was the most breath-taking, spectacular place to explore. Immeasurable skies, abundant growth and a plethora of wildflowers, rolling hills, pristine red beaches. Everything was picturesque. My brother and I even explored a large wheat field by our campground, and despite my desciption not doing it much justice, even something as simple as a boring old field was incredibly peaceful. Lastly, we went to Winnipeg and visited family. It was chill, as always. My cousin and I hung out, ate icecream, and we watched 'dancing with wolves' for the first time. The movie was good but hella long. I was glad to have experienced this. My family got on my nerves sometimes (as expected being cramped in a small car for a month), but I wouldnt have traded this roadtrip for the world. I fuckin love my family. Good time!! Before summer ended. I went to my first club! It was an 80's goth night and I went with my friend/her cousin. We drank, laughed, and we danced all till the bar closed. Not much to say, as it was a typical club experience, but I thought I'd mention it for future sake. Anyways, I've now finished my first half week of my 2nd year at uni. It all went well and I'm excited for new beginnings. I've nearly had a bottle of wine as celebration, so I apologize if my writing isn't eloquent. But I figured I'd update now cuz i'll be super busy again. Sorry this was suuuuuper long but idc. goodbye, ttyl!! Current Favs: xavier renegade angel, king of the hill, medieval art, 'song of achilles' by madeline miller, 'the vegetatrian' by han kang, boards of canada, trailer park boys |
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tired
hello internet people!! its been sooo long since ive updated cuz ive been really busy with my first term at uni! i feel bad for abandoning this blog cuz i feel like ive missed on documenting my life over the past six months, so i'll try not to bore you with tedious details. Firstly, July and August were really fun; generally I get seasonal depression in summer, but this year I had a relaxing, carefree time. There was a really hot period in July, so I spent it going on 40 minute walks every day, chugging diet coke, and hanging outside at night when it was cooler. I spent lots of time in a forest near my neighborhood when the weather wasn't blazing, and lots of afternoons sweating my balls off on my basement floor when it was unbearably humid. August was great too, went to my aunt's cabin near winnipeg for a lil over a week. I went to the beach, walked around in nature and the nearby small town, and star gazed near the water. I ate icecream for breakfast and read 'Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon', which was a really cute story my aunt gave me. Vising my cousin and other family members was also enjoyable, since I only see them annually! i dont think my writing does my summer any justice but whatever, it was gr8. My first semster at uni was okay... tbh I didnt enjoy the first half of the semester, since it was a huge adjustment from being a covid induced hermit to a full-time student! I made the mistake of signing up for 6 courses (instead of the average 5 courses) because I had no clue that would be too much and no one informed me when i signed up lolol (my mistake). the first two weeks were online, so I didn't realize the actual workload until in person started again. luckily i was able to drop my ceramics class, which relieved lots of anxiety. from that point, I was taking painting, drawing, prinmaking, english and art history, which all went well. I almost got straight A's, except for a B in art history (essays are not my forte). even though im satisfied with my grades, the sheer amount of pressure and stress I felt was a detriment to my mental health tbh. I mean, whoever thinks art school is easy and big blowoff has worms for brains, its a lot of hard work. i honestly hate most of the work ive been producing and am insecure about my future, since my art feels lackluster and painfully mediocre. despite this, im excited for my next term and the opportunities that await!! christmas break was very much needed, since it gives me a breather from my work load. ive still been making lots of art and have tried not to let my month off go to waste. however, ive been sleeping in till 2 which is a big waste of my day. its just too damn cold to go outside, -30 degrees celsius so theres not much i can do anyways. visited family on christmas eve, christmas day, and boxing day which was nice. watching lots of 'Tim and Eric' and 'Metalocalypse', and listening to Type o Negative. thats about it, my arms are getting tired from typing so i might update more later. bye bye!! |
 happy
hi friends, havent updated in a long time but not much is new!!! just been withering away in my uncleaned room, watching jersey shore and reading sharon blackie books. also hoping to get a job at the stampede cuz it'll be a nice temporary job before i start uni in the fall!! picked my courses for school already, gonna try a bit of everything my first year; ceramics, painting, drawing, fiber arts, sculpture, you name it! im really nervous tho and everytime i think about it i wanna pee myself (TMI). now that i got the boring 'catching up' part out of the way, i can update you on the juicy life of sarah. i found 20 winnie the pooh peek-a-pooh keychains from value village!! yall remember these bad boys you'd collect from vending machines?? yeah, i now have a whole army of them in my room. they perform rituals for me. thats about it, more stuff has happened since i last updated but i dont remember most of it, the pooh toys were the highlight. oh right i turned 19 in may and celebrated by getting drunk alone in my bedroom! #alchoholicthings. my birthday meal was corndogs and they were rlly good. also built a garden in my front yard and have been going on two daily walks, plus eating a lot of grapefruit. im healthy and thriving!!!!!! lotsa luv xxoo p.s i want to get 2nd lobe piercings, 2 helix and snug piercings, a daith piercing and a belly botton piercing but i A) dont wanna spend a lot of money and B) dont wanna do it myself cuz i cant even trust myself to slice a carrot. im in a bit of a kerfuffle. i guess i dont have to get them all right away lol that seems like a viable option. also want an upper arm tattoo but am indecisive and cant commit to anything :pp current favs: princess mononoke, mcbling, bath and bodyworks sunshine mimosa spray (reminds me of the summer of 2014), alice return to madness gameplay videos, eastern european rave music, hippie vans, this song (pause autoplay at bottom of page) |
 melancholy,  derpy af :p
'ello mate! been sorta out of wack lately, got laid off from my job cuz our stores hours got cut. me and a couple other ppl were let go since we were only part-time but hey, atleast i wasnt fired or anything! im trying to maintain a schedule by getting up early, going on daily walks, applying for more jobs and overall being productive but its difficult to feel motivated. im just grateful i dont have to rely on my paycheck to stay afloat cuz im fortunate to still live with my sweet dear old parents. but i mean, i probably wouldnt move out anyways considering our current state of affairs (d'uh). on a brighter note, i have more time to draw and craft now! im making little felt crafts just to try something new; so far ive made a mushroom, a heart, a gnome, and a tulip. they look like shit but i enjoy doing it :D!!! maybe ill post pics when im done (i probably wont :3)!!! been thrifting a bit as well. recently ive bough a fur coat that a deceased old lady probably wore, 'thirteen' on dvd and a cat necklace! this was a rlly short entry but not much else to say! losta love xoxoxoxo! |
tired,  whimsical
wazzuppp!! life has been pretty stagnant and mundane but i guess its like that for everyone nowadays. work is fine overall but its getting a lil draining; my hours are fine and being a cashier isn't bad but i have an irrational looming fear of recieving another write up and getting fired. ig its all good tho, atleast i have moneyyy to spend. i bought a book called 'the enchanted life' by Sharon Blackie for $20 bucks and an overpriced drink from a health food store the other day; needless to say im a pretty big spender lol. also thrifting which adds up after a while but i still have a pretty decent start for my travel fund! wanna go to europe in a few years, gonna hop from place to place in the cheapest ways possible. wanna go to scotland again woo hoo! on another note, ive been really into early 2010s indie style lately. ya know, the twee zooey deschanel/casual slouchy tumblr fangirl style?? if that makes any sense?? eh, this and this is wat i kinda mean. fashions fall back into trends every 20-ish years but im bringing back 2013 right now, pass over the owl necklace and hipster beanie plz. the looks are so cute but my love for that era also stems from my misguided nostalgia for the simpler times in my life. particularly grade 6 cuz i also wanted to dress like a pretentious fuck indie girl sooo bad. the time when i had friends and we would ride bikes in our neighborhood until sunset. when i was obsessed with the hunger games and greek mythology and spent countless hours doodling manga. or when i would wake up a few hours before school to play roblox on my dads computer. ugh, the good ol' days. im still generally content but i just miss the carefree joy of early adolescence. im so old now. im withering away like a decrepit old woman. my bones are breaking. help me. plz D: also tryna make a zine. dont know what it'll be about or how i will give it to other ppl but its just a fun little project for my days off. ill probably just doodle in it or whatever. most likely just portraits. or household objects. or an enraged wizard using magic to burn down a village of tiny clown babies. who knows, my options are endless!! current favs: fanciful vintage postcards like this, meshes of the afternoon (1943), turquoise/red/purple color combo, veggie straws, snapple spiked, two door cinema club, camo pajama bottoms, this pic, brooke waggoner - fresh pair of eyes
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 distracted,  generally well thanks for asking
waddup whores, im backk! havent updated in over a month but nothing exciting has been happening lately. wait... who am i kidding...nothing exciting in my life ever happens LOL. i know my entries can seem a bit pointless considering how uneventful my life is but that doesnt matter to me. i have naturally always romanticized my life despite not experiencing anything remarkable or significant to others. i think of myself as a protagonist in a coming of age film; not in one of those annoying 'main character energy' ways (because i am self aware enough to recognize my insignificance and basicness), but because it helps me view and connect my experiences in a timeline and make life appear more interesting to me. being percieved as interesting has never bothered me that much; of course i want cool stories to pass on and i dont want to live one of those 'white picket fence and a dog named skip' lives. but i would rather live an interested life than an interesting life cuz at the end of the day, no one will remember i even existed anyways. i say that in the most positive way possible too, anonymity is freedom baby!! depsite typing that whole schpeil, i still have contradictory feelings about my legacy. while not really caring about being remembered or revered by strangers and future generations, i dont want my grandchildren to view me as some irrevelent cat lady they happen to be related to. i have talents in a few areas and i let that go to waste due to lack of motivation. i consume too much and create too little. i think thats a problem a lot of people face nowadays due to the constant stimulation, information and them damn dopamine feedback loops. i mean, why would i want to create art and better myself when i can watch 2 hours of Miss Shaye St. John anyways?? i just gotta get off my ass, its that simple :3. anyways, thanks for listening to my vapid little rant, lotsa luv xox ♥️ current favs: salted carmel monster java, ouran high school host club, helsinki street style, helena bonham carters outfits, banana peppers, sushi cats, looking at gore on reddit because bestgore.com closed down even though i hate gore but my entire existence is confusing haha, hats with pom poms
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 festive,  optimistic,  vibin
happy new years bros, are you ready for another shitty year x3??? i sure as hell am! christmas was pretty chill, got a cocteau twins and crystal castles CD, two stuffies (an eggplant and some tomatoes) and cash. not much else to say but i just wanted 2 update. been working A LOT and when im not, im going to the new value village that opened in my city!! i love thrifting but big chain thrift stores are soo expensive now and only seem to be raising their prices cuz thrifting is popular now. what else to expect from corporations? i piss on rich tiktok 'alt' ppl for stealing all the good clothes from lower income ppl and reselling on depop at an exaggerated rate but in the end, as long as less people support fast fashion and are supporting sustainable practices, IDC. its not their fault value village upsells items even if they get all their merchandise for free. charitable my ass!! i wish we had more local thrift stores here. also been trying to redecorate my messy ass room but its a very slow process. i live in a dumpster kingdom and i am the trash queen! thas it, hope u all had a decent xmas and new yrs, peace out! current favs: 70's floral dishware, 'The Revolution From Within' by Gloria Steinem, bjork (i am ricardo lopez 2.0), cat mugs, pink bathrooms, paranormal activity series, early 2010s hipster fashion, candycane coffee creamer, layla in buffalo 66 (cuz shes hot), legwarmerzz, jellycat stuffed animals, i am not a serial killer (2016)
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fulfilled, tired
konichiwa bitchesss!! A LOT has happened since my last post. got a job at a dollar store and i got accepted into uni! im superrr tired all the time so this entry might be a lil short but no one needs to hear my ramblings anyways. ive been whining about "me no have job :(" on this blog far too many times, so now i can finally stfu about it yay!! ive been working for a few weeks now and it sucks sometimes cuz im anxious about making mistakes. but i guess its going well enough, havent been fired (yet). im gonna save up to pay off future student loans and hopefully go to europe in a few years. also i can buy thrift store clothes without worrying about the prices now that i have MONAYYY. maybe im being a lil idealistic but im happy im doing shit with my life instead of just laying around smoking and watching breaking bad lololol. also im almost finished making my mom a scarf, its rlly ugly. thankx 4 reading, im sleep deprived xoxo ;)
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 vibing
haiii! I havent been motivated to update this website lately but things are going pretty well. Still no job BUT I did get an interview for a store in the mall :D. I didnt end up getting the job but its a step in the right direction, and now I'm familiar with the interview process. I dont think ill get a job anytime soon tbh, the economy is shit and places want to employ people with actual work experience :'(. I wanted this gap year to work and make moolah but being lazy is sometimes nice too. On the bright side, I got finished my portfolio and uploaded my application in for uni!!! Now its just a matter of waiting but I'm hopeful ill get in!! Other than that, things are monotonous but I'm content; I taught myself how to crochet and I made my first scarf. Who knows, maybe I can start a crocheting buisness?? Also, update from the camping I mentioned in my last blog entry. It was fun I guess, had a generally good time and the camp ground was rlly scenic! one dude i was camping with drank too much, which didnt mix well with his medicine. ended up going to the hospital but he was fine after that!! and this other guy was off his face and acting like a fool (verbally abusing people and put his hand directly into the campfire), so he had to be driven to the police station to sober up!! he was crazy. hehe. that was fun LOL. Current Favorites: crocheting, carving linocuts, catladycore (an aesthetic I shall single-handedly make popular >:3) , delft jewlery, Hope Gangloff art, handmade ceramics, this song, arm warmers, Laurel Burch cats, You've Got Mail, Twilight, blackfly coolers, snooki from jersey shore :p
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bored
waddup! sorry 4 all the long diary entries lately, ill try 2 keep this one short & sweet :). I still dont have a job, literally applied to 25 places but no one wants to hire me ;(. i expected that it would take a while but im starting to get disheartened, especially if mcdonalds doesnt want me!!! despite what my blog ramblings might indicate, im actually a pretty eloquent person when im tryna be formal, so idk if my resume is bad?? besides that tho, everything is chill; been going on night walks, working on my portfolio for uni, drinking alone hehe. i like listening to creepypastas when im drawing lately and ohmygod they suck balls. but i still consume hours of creepypasta content cuz im slowly devolving into my 6th grade self. also rewatching deathnote. maybe ill start wearing galaxy leggings and calling myself a kawaii potato again ?? lastly, im gonna go camping with some friends from friday till sunday to the mountains. i guess im excited but also nervous, i get really anxious/uncomfortable when we hang for a few hours, let alone 2 nights. i think they like me? idk some ppl are nice but i get bad vibes from a few of them. im just happy ill get to frolic in a beautiful forest and eat pretty mushrooms i find on the ground :). ill probs update when i get back :p. thxxx 4 reading, expect some changes 2 my homepage soon. xoxox p.s heres a video i love (pause bg music at bottom of page luvs) p.p.s watch 'Threads' (1984). its about nuclear annihilation and is the most realistic movies about that topic ive seen so far! while it was scarier in the midst of the cold war, its still rlly depressing, 100% recommend :D. nuclear war is not out of the realm of possibility :). also watched 'The Day After' (1983) and it was terrible, dont watch it!! it was overly romanticized with really bad acting. I mean, I know movies were generally corny back then, so people's standards for realism were way lower, but i mean......come on. I can't belive ronald reagan cried over it bahahaha. Threads is better. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) |
 content
wazzzuppp! idk why im even updating, not much has been going on lately but i havent posted a new entry in almost a month sooo here i am. applied for a couple of jobs at a no frills and a local health food store. havent got a call back in over a week but i know getting a job will be hard under these circumstances anyways. but i want moneyyyyyy, im literally broke :'(!!! how am i supposed to upkeep my debilitating alcoholism if i only have 5 bucks in my pocket :o?? obviously im joking, i actually havent been overconsuming on mind altering substances lately; im gonna take a short break from weed cuz the last few times ive been suuuper anxious and paranoid. it was probably the strain but i figure that weed doesnt rlly do anything for me. im not quitting but like, i realized maybe being sober isn't terrible lol! i guess ive been doing better lately. its probably because of quarantine; i never had much of a social life anyways, so taking a longer break from seeing people didn't cripple my mental health like it did for some other ppl. if anything, being alone lets me process my emotions more and i don't have the stress of seeing people at school. i've never disliked the people at my school but i generally prefer to observe them from afar than actually interact. Like many, i've always felt social pressure to act a certain way around others. how i dress, act, talk, look. but it doesnt matter anymore. I know acting differently around others is normal for everyone (I mean, thats how society functions and how we can maintain streamlined interactions.) but I guess it just hasnt really sunk in that i never have to go back to that god-awful place (due to this feeling like one painfully long summer) but its true. in all honesty, highschool wasnt the worst. im lucky i had access to a decent education and teachers who were (generally) supportive. and the students weren't that bad; i never got bullied and always had friends to hang out with at lunch. maybe im just salty cuz i didn't get the highschool experience i was hoping for. Mainly just fomo. anyways, i saw my friend yesterday! its been a month since ive last saw her and we dont see each other that often cuz we went to different highschools. but im glad things never got awkward between us and things are still pretty normal even 3 years later. alsooo been watching a lot of jersey shore. i rlly love trash tv and snooki is one of my favorites cuz shes a bit of a mess. trashy reality tv isnt the same anymore...obviously its all stupid mindless garb but its not even entertaining like it used to be!! if im gonna lose braincells watching ppl make complete fools of themselves, atleast make it fun to watch!!! but no. i tried watching love island, too hot to handle, and a few others and MY GOD. THEY R SO BORING. ugh. thx 4 reading (who am i kidding, no one reads this). have a gr8 day!!!
P.S i forgot to add, i got a 5/5 in AP art! im actually proud of myself, i thought i was gonna get a 3 cuz i was dissatisfied with the stuff i made but damnnn! ap isn't as hard as ib (international) but it was still a lot of work. considering i started halfway through the year and rushed (and worked my ass off) im rlly proud of myself! im the 2nd person in my teachers ap class to ever get a 5! ik it sounds like bragging but screw it. it wasnt just my teacher giving me the mark but selected AP judges! overall, i ended up with a 95% in the class which is amazing since i only got a 59% in normal art (i got lazy this year). now i can hand in a good mark for my portfolio for art school! woohooooo! :D |
nostalgic,  melancholy
haiiii, i had a few okay days lately. watched a couple studio ghilbi movies for the first time yesterday/today and OMGGG they r super cute!! i ate an edible when i watched 'my neighbor totoro' last night and the experience was very heightened; the animation was gorgeous and the storyline made me rlly emotional lol. right after viewing, i went to sleep and had some terrible nightmares. one in particular stood out; my dad was in his office and there was a ticking time bomb. my perspective was in third person watching my dad was trying to dismantle the bomb. he couldnt figure it out and he awaited his death. his face was filled with defeat and anguish. the bomb exploded and killed him. for some reason, the rest of his office didnt explode and my sleeping mom/brother didnt wake. i waited for my family to get up and frantically told them what happened but my mom didnt believe me. upon showing her the wreckage, my fathers body remains were no where to be found. there was only a polaroid on his desk of his bloody corpse laying on the floor. i felt the pressure and sadness of losing him but i woke up soon after. it was horrible. i also watched spirited away, it was a great feel-good adventure movie but for some reason it made me sad. almost like a longing for a more innocent time in my life. but im growing up and have to still find a job lol. i am rlly emotional today, i rlly love my family. but on the bright side, we might go to banff on sunday!!! today was officially the last day of school!!! i have to get my application for AU Arts in but it might be a bit late. fuck me. all this free time during quarantine and i still do jack. gonna work on my resume and probably watch another studio ghibli movie. baiiiii! feeling like the baby from spirited away rn
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 pretty gud
sup l0zerz!!! im rlly satisfied and excited cuz i graduated highschool yesterday ≧◡≦...(who would've thought lol ^^)! It was held in a parking lot and we stayed in our car basically the whole time to maintain social distancing. however, i got to get out and take a few pics, as well as walk a stage and wear my grad outfit. we had a nice ceremony and there were only 40-ish other cars, so it wasnt drawn out too long. besides, i got to have Mr.Noodles in the car with me lol. it still sucks that covid messed all this shit up but we might invite our family over for a bbq as a small celebration. im just glad i didnt spend an excess amount of money on a dress; i bought a $70 dress from free people, floral cowgirl boots and a crystal necklace, basically something a country girl would wear (yee yee)! other things are good too, been hanging out with people slowly and surely, gonna hang out with a group of ppl tomorrow. we had a get together a few days ago which was actually rlly fun; i felt confident and relaxed but maybe that was just cuz i knew more ppl there. tomorrow might be a different story cuz i know less people but hey, probably gonna have a few drinks so thats good. just hope i wont embarrass myself aha. i went to a pub with my mom for the first time and it was rlly great, we had a few beers and talked for a few hours. we also went to a downtown pub today which was rlly nice too, had another beer. it feels weird having drinks with my mom but im not gonna complain :p lastly, i got my ears peirced a couple of days ago! it doesnt sound like much but ive been waiting 18 years to get a basic lobe piercing and stainless steel studs. my dad wanted me to complete confirmation to the catholic church before i got them done but never initiated or helped me with it. also, ew i didnt wanna do it anyways (sorry jesus ily) ;p. now i wanna get a bunch of peircings on my ears to the point were u cant even see them anymore!!! i know this was a long entry but a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. peace out bitchezzz!
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 chill,  so-so
guess who turned 18 today bitchezzzz!!??!!! MEEE (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧.TBH, I'm really happy for only one reason...i get to buy booze without hassel now (d'uh)! other than that, being eighteen can go fuck itself cuz I DONT WANNA BE AN ADULT ಥ_ಥ!! even though my life wont entirely change just because its my birthday, this is the beginning of the end. having more responsibilities and entering the 'adult world' isn't bad in itself. if anything, im excited to see where life will take me; what job will i get, who will i meet, what opportunities will arise? but it just seems so scarrrryyy, im not a lil kid anymore, im a YOUNG ADULT!! i shouldve commited crimes when i was younger so i would be charged as a kid, but now if i commit murder or something ill get a harsher sentence :(. The title is appropriate (*^ -^*) (turn off bg audio at bottom of page if u wanna listen) |
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chill
waddup! i dont actually feel too bad rn so i decided to write a post cuz its been a while. not much is new, havent left the house in 4 weeks lOlololol im going cray-cray. even though i have all this free time, im not doing my ap art or anything productive, cant find the motivation but who cares??? the apocalypse is now baby! anyways, here is sum 'important info'... i realized i never mentioned this on my blog AT ALL. I have numerous other sites on neocities because I need to make them as communication technology projects. but my first ever site on here was Trash Paradise, which I made 2018 :O!! i dont update it much anymore but still try to maintain it. i made planetsarah because my mom knew about trashparadise, and i didnt feel comfy sharing all my deepest darkest secrets (aka my unfavorable habits) on there. likewise, i wanted to change my sites aesthetic but wanted to keep trashparadise as a memory of when i first started and didnt want to change anything. its really kinda sad; 2 years on html and css practice and ive hardly improved. i even have the same layout LMAOOOo tragic. ik no one actually cares but meh, thought i should share. was looking at my dead mall page and i got rlly nostalgic. life was so much happier and simpler when i first made that blog and it was only two years ago ....lolz how sad??
shamless self promo, check it out (warning its lame): I turn 18 in under 3 weeks and im soooo excited! im not even sad i wont get to celebrate properly cuz its gonna be postponed anyways. i wanna get crunk tho but my mom probs wont let me! she was like "maybe you can have a glass of wine with me".....like no offense mom but ive been stuck inside for 4 weeks and wanna have a bit of fun. buy me vodka girl!!! im tryna get my learners license before my birthday cuz a) being 18 without a learners license is pathetic and b) i cant buy my own booze and weed without an id. i dont think the learners test will be available due to corona but ill try! im down to 2 more bowls of weed and might have to 'borrow' from my parents if necessary. im literally a virgin who cant drive and have the mentality of a fetus but im gonna be an adult!!!! woohooooo responsibilities!!!! |
 embarassed,  anxious
hiii! the quarantine has been meh so far, not completely bored cuz i've been baking and doing art (not schoolwork tho lol) but i still miss the normalcy. i wanna go out, walk downtown, go to value village or the plant store but ehh. hopefully this doesnt last too much longer so i can have my 18th birthday party in may. i saw a newspapaer article saying how we have 31 weeks left of social distancing to lower the influx of people getting infected at once. i get why they're doing that but 31 fucking weeks!! 7 months!! ughhhh... c'est la vie! anyways, i hung out with a few friends for one dudes 18th birthday last night (only six people, calm down). it was a good time, watched 'the goat story' which is a fucking masterpiece of a movie. its a 2000s 'kids' animation but on acid. watch it on youtube...DO IT! gonna bake some cookies rn, thx 4 reading.
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