divider divider divider

March 16, 2020..... mood: mehhhhhh

whatsup, i feel totally weird and unsure rn! all the schools in my province got cancelled yesterday because of coronavirus and idk wats gonna happen :(. im in grade 12 and im graduating this year so i NEED to go to school in order to get good marks/all my credits. i'm on the grad list and am already destined to graduate but STILL :'O. apparently schools won't open up until september and everyone is pissed... what about our graduation ceremony, as well as our last chance to say goodbye to everyone??? 12 fukin years of schooling and i didnt even get to enjoy my last day of school. i had no clue friday was gonna be my last, didnt even bring home my textbooks. but whatevs, maybe it actually will only be for a few weeks. never thought i would say this but i wanna go to school lol! i wanted 2-3 weeks off, not THE REST OF THE FUCKING YEAR!!! don't get me wrong, i understand why the government took this course of action; they dont want the virus to spread too rapidly and don't want everyone getting sick at once, (especially more susceptible people). however, im not gonna act like this doesnt suck. i guess we're just gonna take online courses and see how everything works out. but i don't know how well online classes will go over; i suck balls at math and idk if learning online would be the best for me??? maybe they will make the passing credentials easier in lieu of this unexpected event. the worst part for me is that theres this rlly cute guy at school and i wont be able to see him...i cri :'(. i know i know, my situation could be wayyyy worse but mehhhubncsajnjek.

even tho this school shit sucks, atleast i dont have to wake up as early to go to class lolz. besides, the current status of covid in my province seems like it can only get better. although more people have gotten infected in the last few days, the temporary closing of schools, recreational centers, some restaurants, workplaces etc will probably have a positive effect on how rapidly it spreads. likewise, even though all health zones have infected ppl, everyone with corona is contained and are expected to make a full recovery :'). maybe im being too niave but the coronavirus, atleast where i live, isnt the worst i guess. hopefully everyone takes the proper courses of action so no one dies and everyone has access to the resources they need :). stay safe yall, wash ur fuckin hands. xoxo

March 8, 2020..... mood: content

hiii, not feeling too bad rn. had a good time yesterday and exposing my ugly body actually wasnt so bad. i think i built it up in my head, no one cared lolol! after we went to his house and made dinner and shit. watched wall-e, it was chill. im currently doing AP art rn and im feeling a bit stuck and rushed (we have a check in in 4 days and i only have half my required work done). its my fault im behind tho, can't really feel too sorry for myself in this situation. art is stressful, i hate when i tell people about it and they say 'art is fun, its not hard'. like.....bruh......:/.....i wanna do well in the class x3!!! anywaysss, hope you all have a chill day. later! :D

March 6, 2020..... mood: anxious, excited

hellllooooo im at skool rn and i feel really anxious for no good reason!! im in my communications technologies class and just need to distract myself. i just wanna scream.... whatevs im just being a lil bitch and ill probs regret making this diary entry later lol :P. anywaysss, i got asked out on a date from this dude in my bio 30 class a couple of days ago! i literally never talked to him before that day and only 'knew' him cuz i recognized his face in the hallways. i didnt even know his NAME lmaoo. we were walking near each other in the hallway when he asked me out and i said yes because he seemed really awkward (i didnt wanna be rude). i regretted accepting immediately after and was beating myself up for it cuz i didnt want to lead him on. soooo yesterday i told him i wasnt looking for a relationship and cancelled the date. i was nice but i still feel a bit awkward cuz he sits IN FRONT OF ME IN CLASS ughhhhh. but to be fair, he doesnt even know me and probs only asked me out cuz he was desperate x3. i always complain about being lonely and then when someone asks me out i decline, but he should have sent me signals or ATLEAST talked to me prior. try not to catch someone off guard next time dude. i wanted to vomit.

^^^ that was the most interesting thing that happened all week (pathetic). i made plans with a few friends to go to a trampoline park but apparently someone died there and now its permanently closed x3. i think we're going swimming instead and im excited to go but i dont want to wear a swimsuit. long story short, i hate my body hehe :'). ill just wear shorts in the pool :(. whatevs, atleast ill be doing something fun with friends :). STOP BEING NEGATIVE SARAH >:D. i promise im not this much of a drag irl. have a good day yall!

Feb 28, 2020..... mood: burnt out, disheartened, clueless

hola, its been a while since i've updated my site :O! been feeling unmotivated to do anything on neocities for a while, busy with the new semester and stuff. got math, which is NOT my strong suit. frankly, i suck balls at it; i do homework and shiz but still get crap marks :(. i also have a lot of AP art to catch up on but i really like art so it'll be fine. speaking of which, i think i might put some of my art on here soon!! i've already said that multiple times but i promise i'll do it x). i try to convey emotion in my drawings but they always end up looking like something an edgy emo 12 year old would make (whatevs). anyways, i turn 18 in a lil over 2 months :D!! can't wait till i can start smoking and drinking (legally) without any repercussions.....except maybe a lifelong alchohol problem and dying braincells lolz*_*. im probs just gonna go out to dinner with my family and just chill. i turn 18 on a sunday night and don't wanna be hungover at school:(. typing this out, i realized how much i talk about my degeneracy on here, i'm a good kid...i promise >:O!!!! lastly, i love my kitten Buttons. she makes me feel needed and shes hella cute!! ill make a page for her :p. thanks 4 reading :'D

Jan 20, 2020..... mood: clueless, bored, pissed (idk why lol)

wazzzup!!! finished last day of semester one classes today; still have to do 2 multiple choice diploma exams (social studies and english) but then i get a week long exam break :)! i am kinda nervous about my art mark cuz i didnt hand in a project. generally i thrive in art, in previous years i got a's but now im at a 48% :/. im going to art school in a couple of years (taking a gap year to work and contemplate my future).... i have all the pre requisites to do so but idk if art school is worth it?? maybe im wrong or ignorant but its a lot of money for something that probably wont guarantee me a successful career. whatever, gonna stop thinking about it for now so i dont freak out O_O. thats about it, idk why i made a blog post if it wasnt gonna be that interesting but i just felt like it. gonna watch bohemian rhapsody or something. peace out bitchezzz

enjoy gif of pikalil:

Jan 18, 2020..... mood: bummed

Had a pretty shitty last few days tbh. Bought some vodka from a friend, got drunk on a thursday night, thought it would be a good idea to go to the park in -30 degree weather, and got caught inebriated by my parents. TBH, im not so bummed about the fact they know i drink (since they already know i do it), but because i admitted a couple secrets to them while intoxicated and know they probs judge me now. Alsooo, stupid drunk me told them where my vodka was and they dumped $15 bucks worth down the sink :(. Im mainly mad about that, I still had like,,,12 shots worth in there. Last night I was bored, so I took my last tab of acid. I haven't done psychedelics in months, and left the tab in tinfoil, so I knew it would have degraded a bit. But the experience was wayyyyyy lamer than I thought; I slept most of the time and only had a few loopy visuals :(. im over pshycs, im gonna take a break from them for a while.

Lastly, I forgot to mention that we got an orange tabby kitten named Buttons, and I primarily take care of her (so she loves me the most ^^). She is soooo cute, will post pics of her soon. Thanks 4 reading my pathetic entry, have a gr8 life :P.

Dec 29, 2019..... mood:chill, festive, happy

Merry late christmas! the holidays were gr8 but not much to say 'bout it; i had dinner with family, slept over at my aunts, and just chilled. also, i got a lava lamp and money so im pretty stoked! i've also been drawing a calender for my mom (as a present) and its verrrry time consuming. not a long entry, just wanted to wish yall a happy holiday/new year, byeeeee!

Dec 15, 2019..... mood:chill, headphones, vibing

hellloooo! had a fine day today, waked and baked this morning! i burned incense and the smoke looked like a beautiful floating whale :). then me and my mom went to a crytsal store and got coffee, which was pretty chill. i picked up drusy quartz, yellow calcite, rose aura crystla, and a few more. i dont believe in the healing power of crystals all that much but they are really prettttyyyy and i spent about 20 bucks on rocks lolz. i also ate too much today (2000-ish calories) and i feel so gross :'/, i seriously hate eating it makes me feel terrible. i wish i could live off sunlight like a plant. thxxx for reading, gonna go to the park to swing and smoke a cig :p

EDIT: went to the park at 1:00 in the morning and saw 5 deer! one of the deer ran right by my swing and we stared at each other for a minute :). stay safe lil deer friends

Dec 4, 2019..... mood:anxious, tired

wow, srry i havent updated my blog in a while ^^;! the fleetwood mac concert was amazing, really glad i got to go but there isnt much to tell about it except that it was phenomenal. my brother and i sat wayyyy in the back but still got a gr8 view of the stage and i got to see stevie nicks with my own eyes :O... also the singer from Split Enz sang a few songs which was cool. anyways, school has been blah; i have no motivation to do anything i love anymore and concentrating on homework is even harder. ill get through it but the future really scares me! its too cold to go out, wear flattering clothes and walk to the gym, so there isnt much to do except eat and get fat in bed. im so sluggish :/

i've been really into watching the show 'life below zero'. its about people who survive living in alaska and walking us thru their lives (i would totally recommend, its on netflix). their lives kinda make my problems feel miniscule lol! also been smoking lots of ciggies and trying to quit. as much as i luv them, smoking is rlly gross and its bad for me (d'uh lololol). idk why i even started :(. besides that, things i've been loving are the movies 'Minnie and Moskowitz' and 'Holding the Man', mid 90's-early 2000s club music, and medival botanical art. thxxx 4 readin' :D

Nov 9, 2019..... mood:chill, happy, bouncy

haihaihaihai ^^! i have a long weekend cuz we have monday off for remembrance day! i dont have a lot of classes in november since there are so many PD/interview days, so thats rlly nice! we also have a grade 12 retreat all day on thursday (which is basically just a lecture about God from some 'hip' and 'cool' millenial catholic) :/. don't get me wrong, i believe in God but i'm not gonna spend all damn day listening to that!! i told my mom i'll skip but she said no (what a shock), but i still will cuz idc :p.

I'm going to a fleetwood mac concert with my brother tomorrow!!!! im so fuckin excited i love fleetwood mac! stevie nicks is a legend! i've never been to a concert for a band i actually enjoy, so this is rlly amazing ughhh. theres not much else to say about that tho, i'll probs update about it after! have a good day / night / week / watever!

oct 31, 2019..... mood: spooky, sad

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! i'm doing absolutely nothing this year :(((, im soooo bored. i handed out candy, looked at memes and got a slurpee. probs gonna smoke tho, so i guess that'll be fun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯! all my classmates r doing things like parties and NONE of them invited meeee; im on good terms with all of them so idk why they wouldn't, maybe im lamer than i thought??? kinda bummed, but watevs, got my whole life to party. im a loser :D

on a side note, im planning where i wanna go 4 uni and am thinking art skool. i'm thinking of posting sum 'art' this page, except i only rlly doodle but ehh who cares! have a good night, hope y'all have fun (◠‿◠✿)

oct 12, 2019..... mood: happy, chill, festive

sup! srry 4 not updating often, am super tired from school! life has been good lately cuz me and my mom switched rooms (i moved into her art room in the basement and she got my old bedroom). It's super big and looks really nice! maybe i'll post pics sometime, idk. it only took a day but it was a lot of work. ALSOOO its almost halloween :D! idk what im gonna do cuz a couple of my friends wanna trick or treat but im dont rlly wanna. but maybe ill go, it might be fun. i kinda wanna get drunk and go to a graveyard but i also think that might be disrespectful :/??? thx 4 readin'!! ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

UpDaTe: here is my room :). click on pic to view full image

sept 10, 2019..... mood: tired, calm

suuuppp. school is not that bad so far but i'm always sooo tired! i literally cant keep myself awake in social class and i slept in LA (but we were watching a movie so idc). anyways, im making a website in my com tech class. idk what to make it about since i already have a blog. watever, u can view it here! it's not finished tho...maybe ill use it as a practice site. its raining and its really peaceful!! im probs gonna smoke a cig and go to bed! GNNN (◠‿◠✿)

sept 3, 2019..... mood: satisfied, tired

HAIIII! today wasnt that bad. i got up early cuz i thought school started at regular time (9:00 am) but for seniors, it started at 2:00 today. luckily i found out before i got there but i could have slept in ;-;. BUUUT my TA teacher seems nice and this semester is easy (i have all the arts :D). also, i updated this site a lot; i havent added too many new thingz but i added most images to my dashboard instead of hotlinking!!

i feel kinda guilty cuz i havent been drawing often, i think i get lazy during summer. but i have AP art this semester so hopefully ill get back on track! byeeeeee :p

sept 2, 2019..... mood: grumpy,moody, giddy

hi!! today is the last day of summer, so im really fucking sad about that :(. its my last year (i'm a senior) but that also scares meeee!! what am i gonna do with my life? anyways, i rlly h8 hs; i understand education is important or watevr but i dislike most of my teachers, most of the people, and especially the pointless work...watevr ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. anyways, i went to pride yesterday with a couple of friends. it was super fun and we just walked around 4 a few hours! i showed on one my friends this site becuz he also likes old web stuff, but i didnt send him this url...tbh i dont want anyone i know irl to look at this site that often. i only showed him cuz of the aesthetics but i dont rlly want him to look at it anymore. it kind of just a private little thing i have 4 myself, but i dont want to hurt his feelings cuz i do like him! idk ⊙﹏⊙.

i also rlly want to get stoned since i havent in a while but its suuuper hard when u have parents! i feel like i talked about weed a lot with my friends yesterday, so i also dont wanna seem like a poser bout it (like smoking being a personality trait etc) but literally none of my close friends smoke, so i feel rlly tense. but i can wait!!! im almost 18, so when i turn legal age ill tell my parents then (◠︿◠✿) have a gr8 day!!!! thx 4 reading my 1st diary entry ^-^